Motivation is BS
I DID NOT WANT TO GO TO THE GYM TODAY. Like, kicking and screaming – throwing a temper tantrum like my 2 year old son – feeling tired and lazy – WHY IN THE EVER-LOVING NAME OF CHER AM I HERE reluctant.
The thoughts going through my head:
-Why is my alarm going off right now? I fell asleep what seems like 15 minutes ago!
-I’m so tired, why is Jackson not sleeping through the night yet?
-All I want to do is lay on my couch and binge watch Netflix.
-Why do I have to be on-the-go all the time?
-I suck anyway, no one is going to take me seriously.
-My bed is so warm and I finally just got comfy.
-One day off won’t kill me.
…Blah Blah Blah
The reason I share this is because I HATE it when people tell me they wish they had my motivation or enthusiasm for working out.
If you could see my face…
The days of not wanting to go to the gym and doubting myself and my goals happen far more often than not. Out of the 6 days a week I work out, I might (and that is a strong MIGHT) walk into the gym once a month pumped up and ready to go. Most days I push myself to even get out of my comfy AF Tempurpedic.
But I go anyway.
I go because it’s not about attaining a certain body image for me anymore. Going to the gym is about getting stronger MENTALLY. Don’t get me wrong, building muscle, shredding fat and shrinking my hips are a huge cherry on top; but it shouldn’t and DOESN’T define me as a person. The way I look physically shouldn’t overshadow my work ethic, it should compliment it.
I go to the gym because I know that I am a cranky Biotch if I don’t release some Serotonin in the mornings. Not going to the gym will manifest into a thick layer of remorse that wraps me in shame, guilt, laziness, and self-sabotaging for the rest of the day. Not going to the gym may seem like no big deal, but breaking that promise to myself is the equivalent of me breaking a promise to my son. The days I don’t go to the gym I feel like I let myself down; I feel like I gave up and settled for average. I feel like I broke a serious promise to my body and my mind. The feeling of “I’m too tired” and “it’s too early” and “I’ll do it tomorrow” and “maybe I just won’t eat as much today” are worse for me than getting out of bed at 4:30am.
I’m with Mel Robbins when she says “Motivation is Garbage”.
Motivation is a FEELING or an EMOTION, not a characteristic.
I started to think about it this way:
-Going to the gym once didn’t make me a stage ready bodybuilder just like eating one salad didn’t make me skinny. I have to keep training my body in order to build muscle, so why should I expect any type of motivation to stick when I don’t train my mind daily as well?
-It’s SOOOOO easy to have that motivation to get back into my skinny jeans when I’m scrolling through at-home workouts on Pinterest on a Sunday night. My belly is full of 3 slices of pizza, bread sticks, 2 bake n’ break cookies (and one raw one out of the package), a handful of my sons’ fruit snacks he left lying on the counter and a glass-ok a bottle- of red wine. I’m bobbin’ and weavin’ through Pinterest thinking, “OK TOMORROW! TOMORROW I AM GOING TO START! I am ready and I oddly don’t even crave any bad foods right now, I could totally eat a salad tomorrow!”
Here’s what I found out:
I was asking myself the wrong question. Instead of asking myself
“WHY DON’T I HAVE ANY MOTIVATION?” or “WHY DOES MY MOTIVATION SUCK?!”
I started asking myself this:
“Christi, who do you want to become and what is your WHY?”
I couldn’t answer these at first until I actually wrote them down.
Here were my answers:
Why do you want to lose weight?
Answer: To not be so fat.
Why do you not want to be so fat?
Answer: Because I feel better about myself and have more energy when I workout and take care of myself.
Why do you want to feel better about yourself and have more energy?
Answer: Because I am a better person to my family and friends when I am working towards a goal I set for myself.
My “why” was instantly uncovered. I realized that I am not a happy person if I am being mediocre or average in my life. It stems from having a very busy childhood with sports and wanting nothing more than to be average and watch cartoons on Saturday mornings like the rest of my friends. Instead, I had to wake up early on weekends and stay late after school for drills and more practices. Once I chose to stop playing sports in College, I did exactly what I set out to do, INHABIT THE AVERAGE LIFE. I partied, had a part time job, went to school, got decent grades, and it was everything I wanted it to be.
Or so I thought…
Once I stopped working towards a goal (whether it was fitness, sports, or school related) and I stopped taking care of myself. I stopped caring about my goals, my body and my self esteem.
This life was not at all what I thought it was.
Everyday was like a boring and mundane deja vu.
After working so hard to get out of the hustle and into my complacent Moo Moo of average-ness, all I wished for now was to get back into the grind! I know the hustle stretched me and I know the grind hurt 90% of the time, BUT IT WAS THE HUSTLE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE I WAS WORTH SOMETHING. IT MADE ME FEEL LIKE I MATTERED.
And why do you need to feel like you Matter?
Answer: BECAUSE THIS IS WHERE A BADASS MINDSET AND SIZZLING HOT SELF ESTEEM COMES FROM.
I finally figured it out:
I CREATED MY OWN INSPIRATION WITHIN MY HABITS
I FOUND INSPIRATION WITHIN MYSELF
MOTIVATION WAS TO BE EARNED, NOT FOUND
Even after figuring all of this out, I still didn’t know where to start. So I Started at the bottom. I started walking before I could crawl, I crawled before I could walk, and I walked before I ran. Now I am sprinting and soon, I will be on a rocket ship.
It didn’t matter where I started. the point was just to start. Any action was better than the laziness that was paralyzing my ambition. I started reading EVERY SINGLE DAY to train my mind. I listening to Audible books whenever I was in my car cuz ain’t no mama got time for those hard cover archaic hieroglyphic trees- just kidding- I love real books and miss them so much. RIP hardcovers). Instead of music, I listened to every episode of Tom Bilyeu’s Impact Theory during my gym sessions. It was a serious horse pill of a motivational vitamin and it started my day off in such a kick ass way.
Every time I hit the gym I PRAISED myself for getting up early to do it. Every time I ate the foods that made me feel good, I gave myself a serious Tony Robbins-esque attaboy. I started getting so giddy over the little things because the little things eventually became my standard. The only way to change my habits was to raise my standards. What used to be so foreign and difficult for me is now a confident Jean Claude Van Damme roundhouse kick in the face to my fears.
The first image from a speaking engagement I attended in Las Vegas. We got over our fears by breaking a board- ninja style. It is a constant reminder of all that I am capable of.
Written in love, hope and GIF’s from GIPHY by Christi Brown
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